Figurative Onanism

by Spencer Lund

Jan 2

Exactly 1 Year Ago Today

I woke up in a New Orleans jail without any knowledge of how I got there. It was the end of my final bender before I quit drinking, and I went out the same way I’ve always imbibed: excess bordering on the mad; Rimbaud at 19 in a hash and mezcal haze in a forgotten barn, except in my case, there was no literary output or even a soupçon of intelligence.

I’m glad one of my best buddies took me to New Orleans for that final weekend of 2010. I wanted to quit drinking and getting arrested in a city like New Orleans ended up representing par for the course during a drinking career that started way to early. 

In the year that’s passed, I didn’t have a single drop of alcohol, but the rest of life trudged on. I lost a job, I didn’t get two jobs where I had a tryout, and I’m still underemployed and poor. But, I’m happy.

That’s really the important thing because I’ll be able to figure out the rest of life without the four fingers of off-color brown muddling my brain. When I sipped from the low-ball glass that was a constant presence in my hands for more than a decade, I was watching life unfold through a jaundiced prism of my own making. But, NO MAS!

I hope everyone has a goddamn cocktail for me because I’m done with them. It will continue to be a crazy life, but now, I’ll remember all of it. 

Happy New Years Tumblr, but don’t pour one out for me, drink that shit down and remember there’s a lot more to life than the substances we anesthetize ourselves with to forget “the suck.” Booze works for a lot of people, but not all of us. Maybe someday we won’t have to medicate ourselves so heavily in the face of all the horrible in the world.


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